My Journey of Growth

It was 2019 when I had just settled down for the evening after collecting my younger children from dance and swimming lessons. I had cooked and cleaned away the dinner plates when I received a knock at my door. There was a uniformed police officer in a police-marked car parked outside my house. They shared that they had come to conduct a safe and well check on my eldest child, my daughter. This knock was then quickly followed by further police officers and children’s services.

I was then later informed that my daughter was being sexually exploited. This came has a huge shock and blow, as there had been no signs of any harm to my daughter and she did not even leave the house in the evening.  The only time she left the house without us being with her was to attend college in the day, which is when her dad and I are at work and younger siblings at school. I later learned that she hadn’t been attending college, and the exploitation was taking place during the day, this included taking place in my own home and also in hotels where she was being trafficked.

The added shock to hearing this was that I was a trained professional working within safeguarding children and I had no idea.

During this very delicate and emotional time, my head was spinning, I needed to be held, supported and almost talked and walked through each step of what was happening, the reality, the expectations, the impact on my family and next steps, which included lots of visits, meetings and appointments.

However, more than that I needed someone to explain the push and pull factors that the perpetrator had over my daughter and how they would threaten, manipulate, coerced and try to build a wedge between my daughter and our family.

Unfortunately, this was never to be, I was met by a hostile child protection police officer and social worker who bluntly shared the information that my child was being sexually exploited. I was then repeatedly questioned on how I didn’t know what was going on with my daughter and what my relationship was to the perpetrator (who I did not know). I was then told that I cared more about the safeguarding of other people’s children that I do of my own child and my job was threatened with the LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer).

During one of the children’s service visits, I was passed an Ivison Trust (formally PACE) leaflet and told that if I felt that I needed support as a parent, I should contact them. I did, and that was a game changer in my opinion. I was finally heard, unjudged, I felt supported. I was offered a package of support and had weekly communication with support workers.

Within time I attended a parents participation workshop with my husband, and for the first time in a long time, I/we didn’t feel alone, hiding from the shame and blame and stigma that comes with being a parent of a sexually exploited child. We heard the stories of other parents and their experiences and that weekend we all built a bond which developed into a weekend friendship like no other.

For me the detrimental impact was the blame from professionals. I was targeted and blamed as a fellow professional and not seen as a parent in need, whereas my husband was almost ignored and unheard. The comment that I am too busy safeguarding other people’s children to safeguard my own’ led to months of counselling and still triggers me today. Professionals if you are reading this, I am still not over that.

With so my gratitude towards Ivison Trust, I wanted to give something back to them, so I completed a fundraising event with my husband, and that made me/us feel good, but I also needed to rebuild myself. I was given the opportunity to be a guest speaker and speak at Ivison Trust events in London and Manchester and share my story and treatment.

Firstly, I stood up in front of a room full of professionals (who I thought would judge me, as I had been before). I stood there as a blamed and shamed parent with my head held high; I told my story and felt empowered, as all the professionals could do at that point was listen to me and my story.

At the end, I received a standing ovation and was approached later by professionals sharing that they will take my story and feedback to their managers and ensure changes are made around the blame culture of parents. This was all I ever wanted. Unfortunately, I know that sadly children will fall victims to perpetrators under different categories, but knowing that parents will hopefully be heard, supported and unblamed was my goal.

I still work in safeguarding children and ensure that any parent/carers that need support receive exactly that. I always advocate for parents and signpost to Ivison trust and will continue to, until the end of time.

My health hasn’t been great, I internalised my pain for a long time and now have the lasting emotional impact under the category of high blood pressure and kidney issues, however, I have come to terms with the fact that this is just part of my journey and a scar of the pain I once and continue to feel.