A Mother’s Story of Child Criminal Exploitation

I was aware of child exploitation, and when my son was assaulted, I knew he was involved in something bad and dangerous. Then I realised he was dealing, but didn’t know what to do about it. I asked him and he denied it.

When the police came to support us after the assault, I shared my suspicions that our son was dealing drugs. When they asked to search his room, I agreed, though I was fearful of what they might find. Their discovery of drugs led to his arrest, a truly heart-breaking moment. Despite his attempts to appear tough, I felt his whole body trembling when I hugged him.

The police officer said they were going to keep him all night and do a body check as they suspected my son had drugs hidden in his body. I just trusted them because I didn’t know what else to do. Thank God they didn’t do it, because that would have traumatised my son further.

He came back home 2 hours later because they didn’t find an adult to be in the interview, and we could not be in the interview as we were witnesses. He was given bail conditions, this was a blessing because he was at home at 9pm. He was still dealing, but it gave us peace of mind that he was at home with us at night. The police came several times to check that he was at home, and he knew I would report him missing if he was not at home at 9pm.

Another advantage was that the police were looking after him, in some ways, he was damaged goods for the gang because the police suspected he was being exploited. We gave the police a picture of our son, so they would identify him in the streets.

After the arrest, he was very angry, he shouted, was violent, broke things, but we realised he was scared, and he needed us to be there for him. In the end, we gave him the money to pay back the drugs the police had taken, but he carried on dealing. I knew the gang wouldn’t let him go.

I started watching videos and reading the experiences of other kids and families. I read all the testimonies in the Ivison Trust website. I attended Ivison Trust training, and I understood that my son was trapped, and he was in an abusive/trauma relationship. He could not leave without help. For me, the future of my son was prison, death or harm.

At times I felt so guilty, many times I thought that we could have searched the bedroom, flushed the drugs into the toilet and paid the dealers without involving the police, but I knew I didn’t have it in me to do those things and face these people. They would have smelled blood because I was so scared for the safety of my child.  And I would be in fear they will come back for more as it had happened in other cases.

I was highly aware that he was going to be 18 soon, and police and the system would treat him very differently if police found out and he was arrested when he was 18. I knew he would have had some kind of protection for being a minor.

For us, this was a war between the gang and us, and we were determined to win that war. However, we didn’t have any weapons other than institutional support: police and social services. We were aware we could not do it on our own.

Social services got involved, and he got a mentor who was in a gang and dealt with drugs (he was not great, but it helped anyway), and we had Ivison Trust. When he was arrested, we got a solicitor that we didn’t have to pay because he was a minor.

It was messy because we were having contradictory advice. The solicitor asked us to give no information to the police, but the police could not protect my child without information. After the police interview, I realised it was a mistake not to keep the police informed, because the solicitor’s objective was to get my son out of prison, not necessarily to keep him safe. Ivison Trust helped us navigate this. I was very open and honest with them, and they advised us to use Crime Stoppers to report stuff. To be honest, we think the only person who was on our side was Ivison Trust, and with their support, we could navigate the system and get the support that we and our son needed.

I am not saying police will get it right all the time. Once, they suggested my son was not exploited, that he just wanted quick money. I felt their comments were wrong but didn’t know how to articulate it. I talked to our Ivison Trust Parent Liaison Officer, and the way she explained it helped me to advocate for my child and challenge police if necessary.

The way I see it, police have rules and are accountable, even I could contact my MP if necessary to put pressure on police to do their job. Because their job was to protect him. I have to keep remembering that my son was a victim, not a perpetrator, and that he was used and abused by others. Criminals do not have rules, are not accountable, and they are not interested in my child’s welfare.

He is still under police investigation, our solicitor advised him to confess and they are expecting he will get a caution, won’t go to court and won’t do prison time. My son denied any exploitation. But the most important thing is that he’s safe.

All this process was scary, I am still scared that he will go back, but every day is a new day and we keep working on our relationship with him. Our focus is that he knows that we love him unconditionally, no matter what he does or what he has done.

This process made us feel helpless, so I cannot imagine how our son was feeling since he was the one trapped, and I am sure he was trying to protect us. He would take any abuse if that meant in his mind he was protecting us. We talked with a therapist because, for some time, we didn’t have any support as we were on the waiting list for Ivison Trust, and the social services plan took 8 weeks. The therapist used to tell us that the solution to feeling helpless was to get help. And also, he told us that even though our son hates the police, we showed him that help is available.

He is getting his life back, it is hard because we live in the same place, so his environment has not changed, but we are closer to him than before. And I think he knows that we’ve got his back. I am seeing the lovely and caring child he is. We are so grateful he is back with us.